some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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