Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
