come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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