So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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