I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
