i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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