can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
