Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
