Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
