It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
