Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
