You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
