He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize