I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
