i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
