people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
