After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
