i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
