I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
