If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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