we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
No subtext here. People are naked.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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