I accidentally had phone sex last night
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
