I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
