She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
