You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
