So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
