they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
