using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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