My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You took a bar mat shot.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
