I wannas sexs uuuuu
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
