mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
