dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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