I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he thought i was a dude.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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