as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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