Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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