Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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