I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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