forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
