And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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