I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
