two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
