ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
