i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
