Plan B is the new Plan A
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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