can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
