I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
