my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
