sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He felt like a one man threesome
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
