Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
