Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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