drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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