I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
