i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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