Your mouth is God's brothel.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
