Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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