I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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