If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
