I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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