I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I deserve to be covered in dicks
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize