More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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