a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
