I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
